Extreme Potty Humour

Recently I wrote a blog that was penned as a promotion for a stand-up comedy show, done through a blog featuring a posting of a stand up routine. It was laiden with adult humor, some of it outrageous, and was a re-creation of a stand up routine - not anyone's real life. The content was meant to be humourous, crude humour at times yes, but humour nevertheless. Okay, Okay, maybe the viagara stuff was way off the scale, but that's what exaggerations do, they break them.

Humour is subjective..just ask Alfredo!

Comedy through stand-up is an exaggeration of things we hear about from people around us, our environment, and from ourselves, in snippets, and then blown up to outrageous proportions. It's not meant to be taken literally nor personally. This particular routine was more down the road of George Carlin to give you an idea as opposed to....who? They all seem to use some crude humour come to think of it now a days.

I always thought of Tim Allen from Tool Time  as clean cut, and would certainly relate him to family shows and kids, but man his stand-up show is all out adult crude and rude! I couldn't believe listening to his routine the other day when I caught him on t.v., as no subject seemed taboo. When he started getting into the jokes about how he farts more now that he's older but hides it better, I tuned out...but for someone else they may have found that funny! Not me and to each their own, but I certainly wouldn't hold it against him or perhaps boycott Tool Time or anything for using adult humour in a made up stand up routine aimed at an audience of adults. Tool man Tim would still be welcome at any trades shows featuring tools I'm sure loaded with familys and kids getting pics with him because people are able to separate " Standup Tim" from "Tool Time Tim" and don't relate the two. I guess that's kind of what I expected through posting a standup routine - that mature people could separate the two.



This being said I can see now how access to the blog I had posted could have resulted in youths accidentally coming across it at some point - and although I had placed a large warning in red warning that content may have been offensive to some, and mentioned 18+, youths may still have been able to accidentally stumble across it or the link to it if they "searched" for TPE blogs at any time in the future so I decided to move it.

Standup humour in an Elvis Impression can be funny

Maybe catch a live Yuk Yuk's show!

Meantime here's some safe, "Clean" Potty Humour for you! 

If you don't like Potty Humour then I suggest you don't read below!

                  Stand-up Ala Tim Allen from Tool Time style...

"The Dance"

Soon after I'd moved into a new neighbourhood I'd gone for a long walk with the kids to discover the local shops about an hours walk away, and 3/4's the way there I suddenly realized I was wearing white pants, after I'd suddenly realized the little fart I'd just had..wasn't a fart at all! And I also realized at that point, talk about stating the obvious, that I needed a bathroom..badly...and I still had like..blocks to go! I crossed the street as fast as I could, taking all my concentration to look cool...kids oblivious to my dilemma and demanding the usual things at the usual rapid fire pace as you stroll at break-neck speed son's little feet barely touching the ground, and it takes all you have to simply concentrate on gripping his hand and pushing the stroller with the other while keeping your bowels contained until you get there. You've managed to find a style that allows you to keep your butt cheeks clenched. Kinda like a penguin running toward water, a polar bear on his tail.

Finally you reach the closest (donut) shop shoving a looney in your kid's hand to keep them amused on a video game for a "minute" as you dash to the bathroom ...Frick!..the door's locked!

At this point you start doing "The Dance". Come on you all know what I'm talking about.  You've all done it I'm sure. You start bouncing from one foot to the other as if somehow doing that will stop the...flow.. from coming exploding out of you......Hey, maybe it does work? Maybe it spills over from your bladder and back and forth into each leg as long as you keep moving you keep catching the internal overflow. Who knows why we do it but we do. You look like you're doing a sit down version right now maam? Do you have to go to the bathroom? No? You sure? because if you do it's okay. I know what it's like. Or use it as an excuse to leave the show. Shit I would! Someone embarrassing me like that. No pun intended.Anyway where was I? Sorry ma'am, I was just kidding. I know women are notorious for holding it. Anyway, yea, so suddenly You hear a flush! Finally the end is in sight!..but "The Dance" has gotten more and more intense as your intervals of changing foot leanings is now down to milliseconds on each you await the door opening your inners ready to burst now..then you hear tap water running..Shoot! You had to get stuck behind someone clean!.. 

Never mind your frickin hands your mom was a liar! " 

The Dance" has taken on another dimension now and then you just can't stop it anymore! First it's just a slight release..a splatter..but you're pretty sure you can hold it to that, and then there's another as you're still doing the dance try to control it, and finally the door opens! For that brief moment you're able to stop the dance as he passes by and you manage to look completely at ease, then the millisecond he passes you zip in ripping at your pants button as you close the door and lock it.. but excrement is now just exploding out of you everywhere!

And I mean everywhere and it just kept coming like a frickin' machine gun out of control!

Potty Humour : The driver first thought impaired, had the dance.

Yea, and you've already mentally resolved now that the day's over, you're just hoping to get out unnoticed at this point! But...shit, sorry, couldn't help myself, Shit! not only do you have to clean it off yourself, but off the floor, the walls, the ceiling? Ceiling? How the...? ..and oh yea, the "white" pants....or you could get out as fast as you can and leave it with some poor attendant...gulp..Hey I did my best...Seriously!

Somehow I got my son's attention and managed to get him to phone a cab from the payphone clear across the room from me as I cleaned up as best I could...crap in every conceivable crevice that my lower body seemed to muster..folds I never knew existed emerged. It was disgusting..I'd a kicked me out for Christ sakes..even the mirror had some dots of proof...or poo-f.

I stayed with my back to the wall all the while we waited. The great single dad outing experience over before it began and the novelty of having allowed the kids sweets at the donut shop wearing off as they realized the promised exciting outing was coming to an end. You try explaining about having an accident and they become louder,

" You had an accident? You mean you pooed yourself!" 

" Sshhh....I'll explain later.Want another pop?"

Finally the cab comes! And if you can believe it likely the only day I can recall ever getting picked up by a beautiful cab driver, in my life I mean, usually I got someone who I'd be happy if they just spoke english, but this was like a godsend! And so here I am trying to be be personable, and charming as I sit not quite all the way down on my seat so my pants don't stick to my skin, the smell starting to become apparent I'm sure as I laughed and pointed at my kids and shrugged at her. No I didn't, but it was definitely not my most swaggering moment I can tell you.

After I got out I flashed a smile and goodbye but forgot to walk backwards giving her a full view I would imagine..future chances likely all gone in one shitty moment...all in all it was just one really shitty day!

 Have a Good One!

PS: Did it all happen exacly like this? Of course not, it's an exaggeration, but if I told you my driver's name was Raj and was personable speaking perfect english etc would it have been as 'effective? I doubt it.

TP

Newmarket's longest running business

KEEP MOM AND POP MAIN ST ALIVE

Did you know that during the war Myers on Main in Newmarket was the only place for miles to get new candies and such and people working at the Tannery would line up down the block to pay them back on payday? During the war, candies were a treasure and later when the town's only grocery store burnt down they began to offer milk and such and it wasn't uncommon for the Myers' to get a call at one o'clock in the morning for baby's milk or something, and they'd come open the door for the person. This must be how the term "Convenience Store" came about!

Small businesses can't afford temporary set-up stores competing

When candies died out as a reliable single market item and convenience store chains emerged later on, Myers adjusted and began selling costumes and such.

Halloween is usually the next "look forward to" affair in many peoples minds after Thanks-Giving, and to that end Myers on  Main, Newmarkets longest running family owned business, has been taking care of the communities needs for...ever!

It's amazing that some people have seen  Myers for years yet never knew they sold costumes, make-up etc. In recent years they've been plagued by fly-by-night costume houses that open for Halloween after which close up shop and take their money back to the U.S.A. Meantime Myers pays employees year round.

Winning wall design rejected by town Bylaw Officer

It's bad enough Mom & Pop Main St have to compete with the Wallmarts and Targets which threaten the very existence of Main St.'s but to have to deal with businesses allowed to open up during busy season  and then close up while Myers is a town taxpayer year round is outrageous! What other industry allows this? How would the Mayor feel if a Toronto charity came to town to scoop all the donations for it's hospital once a year during the height of our hospital's fundraising season and took it back to Toronto? Oh that's right they are already doing this for a "charity" ice-hockey enterprise.

Toronto business wall

To make matters worse, the struggling Myers Costumes On Main keeps getting graffitied and ordered to pay for removal by an overzealous by-law officer who seems to have a lot of power.
See video!


To try and get around the repeated graffiti tagging & removal at expense to the elderly owner Jenny, Myers' manager Casandrah held a wall mural contest. The town had been enthusiastic about the idea, with Councilor Joe Sponga coming out and assisting the process, but the problems with the  same by-law officer continued dubbing the winning mural a "sign" and can't be used? Huh? Who is this guy? We are allowing our by-law officers decide what is art and what is appropriate for one's own business?Does he decide? What is the process for decisions?

Yet Graffiti-like sign allowed at town's Youth Centre - What gives?

If town council wants to slough this off on the town's longest running family business go ahead but don't expect Myers Costumes to fold up their tent and leave town like the fly-by-nighters this town allows in. She's survived worse than an egotistical by-law officer and I'm sure will endure much more . In fact they even opened a new, albeit temporary location, in Downtown Bradford for the Months of October / November since that town doesn't have a costume house and no fly-by-nighters as yet, although Walmart is  and they too bulk up on costume stock.

Myers Costumes has all kinds of selections

Who knows? If it does well maybe she'll just leave town and take up shop there. What's one more long time business gone from Main St. Right?

"Buy local" should mean beyond produce and such. As a longtime resident I urge you to support your local Main St...before they all go! 

Tom Pearson

Rock & Roll Lives! Daniel Mendez Band

Deli House Catering Hall 1220 Stellar Lane Newmarket

Recently, in the middle of a discussion I was having with some colleagues, one in the grouping being Johnny from Deli House Catering - a longtime Newmarket mainstay - suddenly blurted out,
 
"I want you to think about this before answering but don't you think rock & roll is dead?"

before adding, while turning to me who had also just announced entering the 2012 Collingwood Elvis Festival, "Not Elvis I don't mean" he'd said ironically, "But think about it, what rock stars exist anymore that aren't old?"

My initial reaction was to say that of course this was absurd, that there were lots of talented bands and players out there still like.. like... well besides, the old music is now becoming "in" with the younger generation it seems. Even my own daughter thinks The Beatles were the best band that ever lived. Who can argue that one? But then who can argue Johnny's point? And further, if he's right, what can be done to make sure, as they say, rock & roll never dies?

Tom Pearson's Elvis shot

I have the unique experience of having once "worked" with boy bands 'inventor" and Author of the book " Bands, Brands, and Billions", Lou Perlman. Of course that was as an Associate Producer on a musical to be, "Red Riding Hood", and Lou was a Co-Executive Producer. Prior I'd worked on Supercross the Movie, which Perlman also had a stake in and front end Executive Produced memory serves. Anyway, it was to star one of the former boy band members. It'll come to me. It wasn't Justin Timberlake, although he didn't do too badly either, and was going to be directed by Randl Kleiser, the same Director as "Grease", top grossing movie musical of all time.

It was surreal when execs from L.A. flew down at xmas to take us out for an expensive lunch and got Lou himself on the phone. At any rate, this was all before Perlman was busted and sent to jail for tax evasion or something and projects like this fell through.

So I lost out working on a dream project, saddled as a single dad with two kids & no lucrative project we thought we'd be working on for the next few years, whilst Perlman got sent to likely a cushy retirement-like residence with a golf course knowing his pull / money. Jury's out on who got the better deal! Ha! Joey Fatone! That's it! Ha! Someone else has since successfully produced a Red Riding Hood movie of course. Doh!

I did manage to learn some lessons about "branding" from him though, such as at the core the talent has to be there.The Backstreet Boys could sing and dance, there was no question, but as a group dynamic that is an area that can be underestimated in a music world in which only some cream gets to rises to the top.

 

"Groups have to have the 'it' factor - whether manufactured or real - just like any good movie where the characters are all well defined. Same goes with a music group." Tom Pearson

A few years back; I "discovered" a band that I thought was just unbelievable called Sean Stephens and the Chaos System. At the time I'd walked into a pool-hall / bar, with no expectation that the band playing would be anything more than a good coverband at best. What a great surprise, as the original, powerful tunes with such a unique sound intrigued and moved me. Still does when I listen to their CD's of the now disbanded band with former leader Sean now owning his own computer company. I had booked and promoted them for several years and they performed in a documentary I produced called " A Thin Pink Line". Turned out I'd interviewed the band's Producer, who's son also played bass for the band, for a tv show I'd hosted called Out & About and he'd worked with the legendary Music Producer Bob Ezzerin. No wonder they were good.


Recently I came upon a band playing at an open stage held at of all places a costume house - Myers on Main in Newmarket, Ontario, Canada. Same street they recently shot the remake of Carrie. Well same street. Anyway ther was a band there that gave me that same feeling, only more so. Called Daniel Mendez Band, they are all younger and less saddled with families and kids it seems (than SSCS was making them hard to book), and in the short time I spent around them, all seemed dedicated to the band and their music, and basically just loved to play which ultimately comes out in the performances.

Daniel Mendez Band

When I initially asked the name of the band no one answered, but all looked to the obvious leader and songs' composer/vocalist/guitarist, Mendez.

 

"These guys have "it". You watch how confident this kid is and you can tell the band loves playing with him. These are all elements that matter in the end for bands to really make it - a healthy respect for their leader and great music". Tom Pearson

Even as individuals they work - and from a marketing perspective - most highly successful bands have well defined individual characters. Look at The Beatles for example, and if you want to look at extremes of manufacturing an image, The Monkeys. As a kid I'd watch guys in the different bands and wonder how they got into it, and what they were like offstage. That kind of "mystique" I think is what attracted our generation. It was that connection.


But this music group seems to gel naturally and doesn't need a phony, manufactured image to define them. The quiet, back-ground hugging, yet likely multi-talented lead guitarist appeals to some I'm sure, as does the almost nerdy but meticulous playing keyboardist, and girls will fawn over the long ,wild, flowing-haired  drummer who always looks like he's having fun as he rocks on in haphazard looking, but spectacularly timed fashion. The tight group's bassist does more than hold his own with background vocals too, and is maybe the 'coolest" looking of the bunch. Clean cut leader Daniel Mendez, dressed almost as if ready to attend an outdoor, Latino, church event, can sure rock though. Not only vocally, but on guitar as well, not to mention he's the composer of all these tunes.


Daniel Mendez Band have the right stuff, catchy enough to reach mainstream, complicated enough to appease the die-hards and fun enough to really enjoy.

If you'd like to hear more or book them let us know and we'll see what we can do..but..no promises as a recording contract surely is inevitable, and along with that, new rock & roll stars that Canadians and the world will love!

By the way Johnny I'll be in to book another rock & roll show tonight for your DHC Hall! So who says rock & roll is dead Johnny? Ha...we shall see!! Thank-you, thank-you very much!

TP OUT!

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