Recently I wrote a
blog that was penned as a promotion for a stand-up comedy show, done through a blog featuring a
posting of a
stand up routine. It was laiden with adult
humor, some of it outrageous, and was a re-creation of a stand up routine - not anyone's real life. The content was meant to be
humourous, crude
humour at times yes, but
humour nevertheless. Okay, Okay, maybe the
viagara stuff was way off the scale, but that's what exaggerations do, they break them.
Comedy through stand-up is an
exaggeration of things we hear about from people around us, our environment, and from ourselves, in
snippets, and then
blown up to outrageous proportions. It's not meant to be taken literally nor personally. This particular routine was more down the road of
George Carlin to give you an idea as opposed to....who? They all seem to use some
crude humour come to think of it now a days.
I always thought of
Tim Allen from
Tool Time as clean cut, and would certainly relate him to family shows and kids, but man
his stand-up show is all out adult crude and rude! I couldn't believe listening to his routine the other day when I caught him on t.v., as no subject seemed taboo. When he started getting into the jokes about how he farts more now that he's older but hides it better, I tuned out...but for someone else they may have found that funny! Not me and to each their own, but I certainly wouldn't hold it against him or perhaps boycott
Tool Time or anything for using
adult humour in a made up stand up routine aimed at an audience of adults.
Tool man Tim would still be welcome at any trades shows featuring tools I'm sure loaded with familys and kids getting pics with him because people are able to
separate "
Standup Tim" from "Tool Time Tim" and don't relate the two. I guess that's kind of what I expected through posting a standup routine - that mature people could separate the two.
This being said I can see now how access to the blog I had posted
could have resulted in youths accidentally coming across it
at some point - and although I had placed
a large warning in red warning that
content may have been offensive to some, and mentioned 18+, youths
may still have been able to accidentally stumble across it or the link to it if they "searched" for TPE blogs at any time in the future so I decided to
move it.
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| Standup humour in an Elvis Impression can be funny |
Maybe catch a live
Yuk Yuk's show!
Meantime here's some safe, "Clean" Potty Humour for you!
If you don't like Potty Humour then I suggest you don't read below!
Stand-up Ala Tim Allen from
Tool Time style...
"The Dance"
Soon after I'd moved into a new neighbourhood I'd gone for a long walk with the kids to discover the local shops about an hours walk away, and 3/4's the way there I suddenly realized I was wearing white pants
, after I'd suddenly realized the little fart I'd just had..wasn't a fart at all! And I also realized at that point, talk about stating the obvious, that I needed a bathroom..badly...and I still had like..blocks to go! I crossed the street as fast as I could, taking all my concentration to look cool...kids oblivious to my dilemma and demanding the usual things at the usual rapid fire pace as you stroll at break-neck speed son's little feet barely touching the ground, and it takes all you have to simply concentrate on gripping his hand and pushing the stroller with the other while keeping your bowels contained until you get there. You've managed to find a style that allows you to keep your butt cheeks clenched. Kinda like a penguin running toward water
, a polar bear on his tail.
Finally you reach the closest (donut) shop shoving a looney in your kid's hand to keep them amused on a video game for a "minute" as you dash to the bathroom ...Frick!..the door's locked!
At this point you start doing
"The Dance". Come on you all know what I'm talking about. You've all done it I'm sure. You start bouncing from one foot to the other as if somehow doing that will stop the...
flow.. from coming exploding out of you......Hey, maybe it does work? Maybe it spills over from your bladder and back and forth into each leg as long as you keep moving you keep catching the internal overflow. Who knows why we do it but we do. You look like you're doing a sit down version right now maam? Do you have to go to the bathroom? No? You sure? because if you do it's okay. I know what it's like. Or use it as an excuse to leave the show. Shit I would! Someone embarrassing me like that. No pun intended.Anyway where was I? Sorry ma'am, I was just kidding. I know women are notorious for holding it. Anyway, yea, so suddenly You hear a
flush! Finally the end is in sight!..but "
The Dance" has gotten more and more intense as your intervals of changing foot leanings is now down to milliseconds on each you await the door opening your inners ready to burst now..then you hear
tap water running..Shoot! You had to get stuck behind someone clean!..
Never mind your frickin hands your mom was a liar! "
The Dance" has taken on another dimension now and then you just can't stop it anymore! First it's just a slight release..a splatter..but you're pretty sure you can hold it to that, and then there's another as you're still doing the dance try to control it, and finally the door opens! For that brief moment you're able to stop the dance as he passes by and you manage to look completely at ease, then the millisecond he passes you zip in ripping at your pants button as you close the door and lock it.. but excrement is now just exploding out of you everywhere!
And I mean everywhere and it just kept coming like a frickin' machine gun out of control!
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| Potty Humour : The driver first thought impaired, had the dance. |
Yea, and you've already mentally resolved now that the day's over, you're just hoping to get out unnoticed at this point! But...
shit, sorry, couldn't help myself, Shit! not only do you have to clean it off yourself
, but off the floor, the walls, the ceiling? Ceiling? How the...? ..and oh yea, the
"white" pants....or you could get out as fast as you can and leave it with some poor attendant...gulp..
Hey I did my best...Seriously!
Somehow I got my son's attention and managed to get him to phone a cab from the payphone clear across the room from me as I cleaned up as best I could...crap in every conceivable crevice that my lower body seemed to muster..folds I never knew existed emerged. It was disgusting..I'd a kicked me out for Christ sakes..even the mirror had some dots of proof...or poo-f.
I stayed with my
back to the wall all the while we waited. The great single dad outing experience over before it began and the novelty of having allowed the kids sweets at the donut shop wearing off as they realized the promised exciting outing was coming to an end. You try explaining about having an accident and they become louder,
" You had an accident? You mean you pooed yourself!"
"
Sshhh....I'll explain later.Want another pop?"
Finally the cab comes! And if you can believe it likely the only day I can recall ever getting picked up by a beautiful cab driver, in my life I mean, usually I got someone who I'd be happy if they just spoke english, but this was like a godsend! And so here I am trying to be be personable, and charming as I sit not quite all the way down on my seat so my pants don't stick to my skin, the smell starting to become apparent I'm sure as I laughed and pointed at my kids and shrugged at her. No I didn't, but it was definitely not my most swaggering moment I can tell you.
After I got out I flashed a smile and goodbye but forgot to walk backwards giving her a full view I would imagine..future chances likely all gone in one shitty moment...all in all it was just one really shitty day!
Have a Good One!
PS: Did it all happen exacly like this? Of course not, it's an exaggeration, but if I told you my driver's name was Raj and was personable speaking perfect english etc would it have been as 'effective? I doubt it.
TP
If you are a restaurant / bar owner you might want to stay tuned as these liquor boards have deep pockets of your money and have fought tooth and nail to keep me from testifying which they didn't succeed in doing at the end but tried to limit to one question.
